Sorry, M'lord
by CaptainPiika
Summary: There are a few rules to be followed if you're a legendary, and the most important one of all, "The Rule of Phione," seems to have been broken. Needless to say, Arceus is pretty unhappy about his creations having kids. Oneshot; Not exactly romantic.


SORRY, M'LORD

Disappointment shone in the eyes of Lord Arceus, each one of his subjects left wondering why. Whatever had happened, obviously someone was in trouble. The fact that everyone was present in the special vacuum of space-time meant that it was of major importance. From experience, Dialga could say that it was going to be really bad.

When he'd first gotten word of the group meeting, he immediately blamed Celebi. His supposed assistant was a slacker who only did something whenever he felt like it, often nearly ruining the fabric of time when he did. Surely, Celebi had gone through time, messed something up and angered Lord Arceus to a point of blind rage. Dialga was one of the Lord's favourites; why else would he be called down with everyone else?

Beside him, Giratina was equally confused. She was trying to get settled in a sitting position, but kind of failed when she stepped on Dialga's foot. "Sorry," she whispered hoarsely. "Altered Forme. It's so clunky,"

Dialga chuckled. "Any idea what's got father so worked up? I blame Celebi,"

"Hmm? Did he do something? I haven't really been out of the Distortion World lately, so I have no clue…" She trailed off as Arceus cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Now that everyone has arrived, we shall begin. So. Does anyone know why I've asked you here for this meeting?" Arceus looked around the circle of legendaries and nodded to Raikou, who had raised a paw.

"You said you'd tell us when we got here, m'lord," she answered quickly. No doubt Raikou wanted to be running around instead of being cooped up in space.

Arceus nodded again in acknowledgement and proceeded with his speech. "Yes, of course. Well then, I've assembled you here today due to a violation of one of The Rules of the Universe," His expression suddenly became more serious. "I'm sure you all remember the rule created shortly after Manaphy… did what she did?"

Everyone's eyes glanced over to Manaphy, who rolled her eyes and smiled innocently. Dialga frowned at her. He didn't understand people like her at all. She went around the ocean flirting with anyone who looked at least half-decent and had more one night stands than anyone in history. Or so she proclaimed. Naturally, she had a lot of children, all of which she named 'Phione'. To say that Dialga was disgusted with her was putting it lightly.

"The Rule of Phione specifically states that no legendary is to have any romantic interactions that may lead to either legendaries or part-legendaries being created in the process whatsoever. This rule has been recently violated by a number of you."

Shaymin's paw shot up, and once Arceus nodded, she smirked. "Right. Can all of us younger than Manaphy go, then?"

Dialga glared at the apparent "Gratitude Pokémon". Her cockiness irritated pretty much everyone, but she was mostly rude to the males since she was so damn feminist. Darkrai himself had claimed that he had a special place in hell just for her when she eventually died. She did have a point, though. After Arceus created Manaphy, he was extra-cautious with his later legendaries and never gave them any ability to reproduce. Not that Shaymin really cared; Dialga had a suspicion that she was competing with Manaphy, the thought of which made him shudder and look away.

Arceus stared at her for a moment and then nodded curtly. "Ah, yes. You can go. I'm sorry, I've just been so furious lately…"

The younger legendaries cheered (most of them were pretty immature) and started teleporting or otherwise exiting the confines of the space vacuum. Jirachi merely groaned and sank through the floor, probably pissed off from being awoken from his seriously long naps. Shaymin shot her elders one last haughty glance and stalked off into the depths of wherever they were.

"Well then, the rule has still been violated by at least four of you," He turned to the older legendaries, some of whom grunted while others politely looked back.

"First of all… Palkia. Have you ever heard of being discreet?" Dialga suppressed a snicker. He could barely help it; Palkia was almost as annoying as Celebi, Manaphy and Shaymin combined.

Palkia opened his mouth slightly. "Wha… It wasn't my fault, dad!"

"You shall refer to me as 'Lord Arceus' during meetings. Now, do you or do you not have four children with a certain Salamence down on the planet?" Arceus's eyes bore into Palkia's, who sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, but it wasn't my fault—"

"Celebi. Your child is deceased, but you still had one, correct?" Arceus swung his head around to face Celebi, who didn't flinch.

He smirked instead. "Yeah. That was around eighty years ago, though. And the mom was really hot," after a brief pause, he quickly added, "m'lord,"

Dialga also shot him a disapproving look. Why did Celebi have to be so uncouth?

Arceus said nothing and instead turned towards the three legendary beasts. "Now, I'm not certain, but it's either Entei or Suicune who I know has a child with a Ninetales," Raikou's jaw dropped as she looked over to her brothers.

"Hey! You totally did do it, Entei! I thought you chickened out there!" She stopped when she felt Arceus's cold glare. "Um… er… I kinda dared him to do it, but I didn't think he'd go through with it… um, sorry, Lord Arceus."

Suicune looked thoroughly embarrassed with his siblings while Entei just sank his face into his paws. Dialga was sort of surprised that none of the legendaries appeared to have kids with each other… well, except for-

"Giratina. I can't believe that one of my best would betray me like this. And for two hundred years as well! Do you not have an ounce of shame?" Arceus glared at her, asking her why she'd ever decided to do something as terrible and horrid as having a child. Giratina sank back in fear, hanging her head. She glanced over to Dialga for a second, asking for his help.

Dialga held his breath. That pleading look in her eye was so pitiful…

Palkia roared. "See? She's the one who did it first, and when I saw the kid, I was gonna tell you! But _nooo_, Dialga was all like, 'Well if she can keep it a secret then you can too,' and then I went over to Sal and I told her and stuff and then Articuno saw us and was all 'Palkia what are you doing,' and I was like 'Go away and I won't tell dad what you do with Moltres,' and then she was like 'Oh okay,' and yeah! See? She's the worst; she's had a kid for two centuries!"

"Five," remarked Ho-oh, and everyone turned to face him. (Everyone except the Kanto bird trio, who started arguing about whom exactly was dating Articuno.) "Er… our son is five hundred and twenty-eight next Tuesday,"

Arceus blinked. "What," It was an expressionless statement.

Lugia nodded next to him. "Yeah, I kinda made my telepathic voice male so that nobody would find out about it. But then you went and said it. Why did you do that? We were going to get off!"

Ho-oh was taken aback. "I-I couldn't take the guilt! Anybody looking at us would see that we're guilty, Lugia!"

Lugia narrowed his – Dialga corrected himself - her eyes at the phoenix. "Great. Now what do you think is going to happen? Edward is going to hate us," she moaned, hitting Ho-oh with her wing.

"Edward is not going to hate us, honey, really!" Ho-oh didn't look convinced of his own assurance, though.

Dialga sighed. Well, if Ho-oh had done it…

"Don't blame them, my Lord. We all knew nothing about their son until now, and I'm the one who convinced Palkia to start dating," He frowned at the look Arceus was giving him.

"What is this now? Dialga, you didn't do anything to break the rule yourself," Arceus was sounding desperate.

"Well, actually…" Dialga stole a glance at Giratina who gleamed at him in a sort of bittersweet way.

Palkia jumped up. "AHA! I KNEW YOU WERE MAD AT HER WHEN SHE DECIDED TO BE A BOY LAST CENTURY! YOU _LIIIKE_ HER!" He grinned in triumph.

Dialga rolled his eyes. True, he didn't really approve of Giratina's habit of switching genders every so often. "I'm sorry, Lord Arceus, but I don't really think that anyone is immune to love,"

Arceus's eye twitched as he slowly looked around the circle. "Is… is there anyone here who has not violated the rule at some point?" His raspy voice had become nothing short of a whisper.

Mew raised her hand. Everyone else kept theirs down.

Celebi scoffed. "Oh, yeah right, Mew. I saw you checking out Mewtwo earlier," He grinned and started laughing at the look on her face.

"I am _appalled_ at this behaviour! I am ashamed to be in your presences! And for your information, Celebi, I was _not_ 'checking out Mewtwo'. The very idea of letting that abomination near me ever again disgusts me!" She was turning deep red.

"Oho! So he was _close to you_, then?" Celebi chided, still laughing at her.

Mew's eyes opened wide. "What? N-no, that wasn't what I was implying! I haven't seen him since that incident on New Island!"

"Yeah, but rumour has it you flew off into the distance together," added Palkia, chuckling. "Oh come on, Mew, even if you haven't done anything yet, we know that you want him,"

Desperately, Mew's eyes flitted around the circle, horrified. "No! Lord Arceus, please!"

Arceus was silent. Mew floated up to his face in tears. "Lord Arceus, this is not true! I would never betray you, Lord Arceus, never!"

He growled. "Leave,"

"But Lord Arce—"

"LEAVE AT ONCE OR ELSE I WILL DO SOMETHING I REGRET. RIGHT NOW. COME ON, CHOP CHOP."

Mew fled in terror while everyone else hurried out quickly, still laughing amongst themselves. Giratina smiled at Dialga, looking quite pleased.

"Well, that was a very interesting meeting. Thanks for being honest," Dialga smiled back.

"Just stop deciding to be male and we're even," he said. "Let's go. I want to mess with Palkia's kids."


End file.
